I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize