If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
