you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
