I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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