They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
