I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
