so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
