She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
