ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
