I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
