I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i will never coherently bang her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
