may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
