woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
