I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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