WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
