Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
