the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
