hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
