Ketchup is God's man juice
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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