I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
