I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
