We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
