apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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