My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
