He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
