i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize