sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
