You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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