will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
