Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
