By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
