I hate all girls vehemently.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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