Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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