So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
