I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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