Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
