'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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