your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
