We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
