i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
