End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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