In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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