Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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