I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he fucked my hip out of place.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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