If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
