I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
