Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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