She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize