I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize