Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just googled if crying burns calories
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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