just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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