a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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