are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
