I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i now understand why vodka
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
