I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize