I got chris browned last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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