dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
