We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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