I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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