Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize