make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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