Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
