chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize