you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
