we have officially lost it.
Me too!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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