I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
