Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
operation have a gay friend backfired
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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