I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
