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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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