so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
